Breakfast, Keys, Cross-Dressing and Happy's stomach
by TheHatGirl
Summary: A bizarre story of what happens when someone eats Lucy's breakfast, and how she reacts.
1. Chapter 1

"Natsu, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING EATING MY PANCAKES!" Lucy screeched, as she performed one of her trademark Lucy kicks upon Natsu's head. Lucy had only left her breakfast on the table for a moment, when a certain blue flying cat (not naming any names) had stolen her celestial keys.

The cat had done a full circle around the apartment building in which Lucy resided, before joining Natsu, who was in the process of devouring Lucy's breakfast.

Natsu had, unfortunately, devoured all but one pancake, so there was an argument between Natsu and his annoying cat.

This was when Lucy had interrupted.

Her kick managed to propel the pancake up,up into the air, then down into Happy's swallowed, not realizing that Lucy's keys were still inside his mouth.

"Happy, you greedy little-"

"Yeah happy, that was MY pancake." Natsu protested

Lucy turned to Natsu. "Where are my keys?"

Happy looked nervous. "Umm...Lucy? Please don't scream, but I may... accidentally... Swallowed your keys?"

Lucy grabbed Happy and started to shake him up and down.

"Then poo them out already! I really need those keys! Maybe Virgo can whip me up some breakfast, since you two ate mine."

"Luuuuuuuucy! You're really mean!" Happy complained, and Lucy stopped, mostly because Natsu was rifling though her cupboards.

"Jeez, Lucy, don't you ever eat?"

"Not when you two are around!and get down from there, Natsu! You already ate all my food. So you are going with me down to the markets, and you are paying for my breakfast! Now!"

"But we don't have any food money! That's why we came to you!" Natsu explained.

Lucy snorted. "Tough! And maybe down there we can get some laxatives for Happy!"

Happy turned to the dragon slayer. "Natsu, what's a laxative?"

Natsu told him.

Happy turned pale blue.

Lucy, Natsu and Happy had arrived at the edge of the market. "Funny," said Lucy. "I've never seen guards here before."

Natsu and Happy squirmed.

"Well that may be... Because... Last week, Gray..." Natsu trailed off.

"It wasn't our fault, Lucy!" Happy whimpered.

"Well, that would explain why half the markets are smoking, and the other half are freezing."

"We were also banned from entering the markets till hell freezes over. Gray's still working on it. Daemons are really hard to freeze."

A disguise, a disguise. Where would she find a disguise... Lucy's eyes wandered over to the Ladies' Boutique.

" I hope you like cross dressing," Lucy said, with an evil smile.

Happy gulped.


	2. Happy's stomach begins to talk

"Lucy, I don't think this dress accentuates my womanly figure," Natsu complained as he twisted in front of the mirror. Happy flew over and sat on his head.  
>"Natsu, one of your balloon boobs is popping out."<br>Natsu popped it back in. " Are you sure, Lucy? I don't want to look like an idiot.  
>Lucy tried very, very hard not to make a noise.<br>"Lucy, what's my disguise?" Happy asked apprehensively.  
>Lucy looked around the shop till her eyes fell on the onesies section. A bunches of animal onesies hung from hooks on the sides if walls. Purple giraffes, orange rabbits, and a blue dog which was obviously for a baby.<br>Or an overfed cat.  
>Lucy turned to happy, a maniac grin rolling on her face.<p>

"Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucy, don't be so mean," The cat whimpered as Lucy tried to force Happy's head into the blue onesie.

"Well, It would fit if you you didn't eat so much food." Lucy said, stuggling with the item of clothing.

"Hey Lucy! Lucy, get us out of here!" Said Happy's stomach.

"Does it normally do that?" Lucy asked nonchalantly, after ceasing to suffocate Happy for a moment.

Happy looked worried, And Lucy pounced. Happy now looked like a dog version of Happy, which was, which was… Yappy?

To points appeared on Happy's stomach, like those on the tips of the horns of a bull.

Happy Screeched like the cat in dog's clothing that he was and jumped upon Natsu's face, with open paws. Natsu didn't mind he was fairly use to it by now.

"Lucy-San, You have a wonderful chest," A voice that sounded like Taurus proclaimed. Lucy pulled a reluctant Happy off Natsu's face. He left long claw marks on the sides of Natsu's head. Natsu looked down at his dress.

"Aww, thanks Happy! Now I have cat fur all over this dress, and blue does not suit red, no matter who you talk to.

Lucy ignored him. "TAURUS! CAN YOU HEAR ME!" She shouted down Happy's throat.

"Lucy, help us!" This was Loke. "There are some terrible things down here. fish that are still alive! We've had to fight them to protect our territory, but they've got us cornered. The Japanese fighting fish have even stopped fighting each other just to kill us!"

"But I ate them ages ago!" Happy protested, then he remimsend. " I liked the way they tickled my throat as they slid down my throat, fighting each other to the death."

Capricorn kicked Happy's stomach. "Oww!" " Concentrate!" Capricorn Barked.

"Lucy, we can't stay here!" Aries sobbed how only a sheep could sob.

"Lucy suggested laxatives." Happy said hopeful.

The celestrial spirirts groaned.


	3. Really Creepy Guards

**Author's note: Yeah... I haven't really updated in the past ten months... I can't really make up an excuse... If you want to make up an excuse for me, that would be great. **

Natsu, Lucy and Yappy walked in a cowboy lie fashion toward the guards. Natsu gulped as he hitched his floor-length dress above the ground. The occupants of Yappy's stomach complained.

A short guard appeared, his helmet rolling over his eyes. "State your names!" He barked. ?Happy whimpered.

"Lucy."

"Yappy."

" you can call me Na-Na." Lucy loved how feminine Natsu was attempting to be. Pity he wasn't that good at it.

A a tall guard with thick lips took over the investigation. He was clearly a senior guard, his helmet fitting his head. He walked over to inspect Natsu, who was sweating ever so slightly.

"Hi. My name's Jerrid. Did I meet you once at a dance?" The Jerrid the guard smiled flirtatiously at Natsu. This threw Natsu off a bit.

Natsu muttered "No..."

Lucy nodded and made a frightening gesture.

"...yes?" Natsu guessed. The guard, still mesmerised by Natsu's beauty giggled.

"Do you remember at the dance where we..." The guard bit his lip, and whispered in Natsu's ear. Natsu's facial expression became distressed. Lucy's nodding became vigourous.

"Yes..." Natsu smiled weakly. The guard winked.

"We should do it again some time. You should bring your friend."

Happy jumped up and down in excitement. "Yes! Yes! I'd love to come!"

Lucy shepherded the overexcited Yappy and the moderately discussed Natsu away from the creepy tall Jerrid waving at them. Urg.

"Okay, remember what we're here for. Laxatives and food." Several passersby looked at Lucy's words in disgust. Yappy frowned sadly.

"But, Lucy, we have no money-" Natsu yanked the cat/dog away. "That's never stopped us before!" The pair ran away, Natsu happy to be far from Jerrid, and Loke giving Yappy heartburnLucy smiled, and walked off to the Patisserie. She was good friends with the owner Lucio, and had credit. Lucy wasn't really gong to make Natsu pay for her food. She owed him from all the times he had saved her life, and entertained her by being beat up by Gray. It was a pity Natsu couldn't pay her enough attention to understand this. She opened the door to the Patisserie, and was greeted by Lugio, a short, dark man with a british accent.

"Come in, Lucy. We have left over apple strudels from Austrian night that need eating up."

Lucy smiled until she saw Gajeel wallowing his tears next to the only available seat in the house. Bother, she thought.


End file.
